MY normal

Jasmine was born cortically blind, with cerebral palsy, a seizure disorder, mental retardation, and microcephaly. She developed hydrocephaly, secondary to her prematurity, for which a doctor put in a shunt. When she was a few months old, doctors put a trach tube to open her trachea for breathing. She turned out to need it permanently because she had tracheomalacia, an overly soft palate, and an overly large tongue. When Jas was five years old, doctors inserted a G-tube so she could receive the nourishment and medication she needed. Despite the medical procedures, Jasmine was happy, lively, and social. Through her many seizure-related hospitalizations, she held onto life and returned home healthier.
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She was my normal. That was my childhood growing up and I wouldn’t change a thing!
When I was thirteen, I got an afterschool job as a mother’s helper with a child with severe cerebral palsy. I stayed with it until I graduated and still worked with her on college breaks.
I chose music therapy as a career because I saw how music therapy helped Jasmine learn. She learned how to communicate and engage with her environment more effectively because of music therapy. I wanted to do that for kids like Jas.
While I was in college, I worked part-time at an Intermediate Care Facility for the Mentally Retarded (ICF/MR) as direct care staff. This meant that I feed (sometimes g-tube), bathed, and dressed the residents who were unable to care for themselves. I also worked with each resident on specific life-skills goals.
When I moved to Rochester, I started my job working with public school students with disabilities. I’m currently placed in a middle/high school that has students who are medically and developmentally challenged. Many students use wheelchairs and all the students have communication delays or deficits.
I also do respite work and through this job, I learned how to take a blood pressure, chart oxygen rates and keep a pain scale chart. (I learned how to suction many years ago – Jasmine had required it.)
Maybe you wonder why I would want to work in a job like this and then have a child with special needs at home, too? Like I said before, it is my normal.
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I hope this helps you understand that I have given this a lot of thought and am trying to be patient as I wait for my child to find me.

closure

To Whom It May Concern:

I have been pursuing adopting Jxxx, child number xxx on the Children Awaiting Parents website, for eight months. I have completed courses, including medical and behavior classes, MAPP training, and CPR/First Aid. My homestudy was complete as of July 31 and all background checks have come back clean. References that I provided indicated superior ratings for caring for children, especially for children with severe special needs.

My adoption caseworker, Lxxxx from XXXXXX Agency, and I met with Mxxx and Sxxxx of XXXX County DSS on August 5, 2009 to discuss Jxxx and his extensive needs. I learned of his medical and developmental needs and was not overly surprised at the care he required. As Jxxx requires round-the-clock care, I outlined three different methods by which I could gain any assistance I might need in providing this constant care while retaining my current job as a music therapist working with special needs students.

On August 10, Lxxxxtelephoned Sxxxx to let her know that I still was interested in pursuing adopting Jxxx. On August 13, Sxxxx called me saying that the agency was looking for a two-parent home with a stay-at-home mom. When I asked this state social worker if I had tried to adopt the toddler before my late husband, Craig, had died, she said that we would have been more seriously considered my application.[1]

Unable to comprehend why the state would choose not to consider a willing and qualified potential adoptive parent for a hard-to-place child, I consulted with an attorney who informed me not only that New York expressly authorizes adoption by a “single unmarried person” but also that New York law prohibits agencies from setting a higher standard for adoption by a single parent than a married couple.[2] The only relevant consideration should be the best interests of the child.

Given my willingness to adopt Jxxx, a medically fragile child who has been available for adoption for more than three years -- his entire life -- I do not feel the best interests of the child are served by excluding me from consideration as an adoptive parent for Jxxx. To do so for a reason explicitly prohibited under New York law puzzles me even more.
I am hopeful that my writing this letter will prompt the agency to reconsider this decision. Please contact me at XXX-XXXX and my caseworker at XXX-XXXX.

[1] I asked Sxxxx if she could put this information into an email, but she said she would be uncomfortable doing so.
[2] A New York regulation on adoption studies specifically directs that “[a]gencies must not consider marital status in their acceptance or rejection of applicants” and that “[a]gencies must not establish policies which place single or divorced applicants . . . at a disadvantage.”

Sincerely,

That was the letter that went out yesterday to numerous people. Realistically, I don't expect a change, but I am now telling myself to move on from this situation.

~oh, check out Adoptive Momma of Two and the cool books she is giving away about adoption!